god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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