I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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