I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
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