That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
