Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
When did angry sex become our thing?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
