Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize