I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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