He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
