apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
