I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
