3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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