My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
