I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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