a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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