i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think your dad took our porno
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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