I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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