Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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