My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
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I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
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Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
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