How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
