if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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