Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
