dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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