I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
