i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I just cut my nipple shaving
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
