You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
