we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
