Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
COCAINE IS GR8
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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