I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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