Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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