and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.