So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
