I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize