Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
