After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
