oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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