he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
