Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
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Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
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I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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