yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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