SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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