Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
