How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Randomize
