Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
