I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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