I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
