What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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