It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Randomize
