i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
