A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
