if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize