i just wanna soil my oats bro
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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