That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
there was a trapeze. enough said
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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