my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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