I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
