Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
