How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
