You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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