If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
