Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
