She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Everclear isn't food dammit
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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