So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
