The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
