I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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