I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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