Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
