I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
