I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
