You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Randomize
