The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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