So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
farters have to be the big spoon...
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
We need to get me chipped asap
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
