here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
