i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize