It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
