1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
