1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
